Month: June 2012

at 1:10pm today we said goodbye to our sweet Reeses Pieces.  We made the decision after she started to cough last night, and this morning.  Something she hadn’t done but once in a while.  We ensured that she saw our neighbor who always took care of her while we were away.  We drove her to a park to let her sniff around, fed her an entire pack of hotdogs – no pills.

We walked her into the Vets office.  I think that made it even worse.  She doesnt know.  But we know that we were never to see her again.  Almost feel horrible …she trusted us and we walked her into a place for her to never see us again.

We sat on the floor with her head in our hands, scratching her head and back.  She layed on the tumor.  Something she always found very painful especially these last few weeks.  She did it without hesitation, almost as if to say – i want you to remember the good side of me as i go.

I know we are going to go back and forth with if we did the right thing. I think we know in our hearts we did.  She was coughing…which means its made it to her lungs.  She had a massive size tumor where her leg once was, with another on her back.  Over the last 3 days she didn’t want to go on her walks, but only stay in our yard – of which she was very happy doing still.

We spent the morning doing the things she loves….spending time with her people.   For the first time in 10 years (for my husband, even longer since he had his dog we layed to rest last year before he met me) we sit in a dogless house.

The tears continue to flow as i type this.  I was hoping for a sense of relieve, but that has yet to come.  I know she’s no longer in pain, she’s not coughing, she’s not panting daily (though she did this anyway even when well)  She’s not needing to take a walk break 200 feet into it.  She isn’t wincing when she rolls onto the wrong side, pacing in our bedroom because she can’t get comfortable.  She’s free.  Visiting the other dog and cat she once knew, running around, laying where she wants to…and able to sleep comfortabally.   It doens’t make it any easier for those of us still here 🙁

Thank you for this site.  We unfortunately were only here a few too short months once we had Reeses become a Tripawd, but it has beena wonderful resourse to us.  3 legged dogs will have a special place in our hearts.  Reeses taught us no matter what, you can do it.  Being different was just fine by her, and she was happy as a tripawd member.

 

I realized i hadn’t posted  more recent picture of her.  I posted it in the forum as well, but, here’s one of about 4 weeks ago or so.  This certainly isn’t how she’s acting today unfortunately – but was yesterday.

She LOVES the rug we got with the new livingroom, even laying on the tumor side on it.  Licks away at the rug till she’s satisfied its wet enough 🙂

We just passed our 3 month ampuversary a couple days ago.  We hoped that the amputation and chemo would have helped to keep her with us at least another year, however, as in the last blog her cancer in the amputation area grew back.  It looks like 2 softballs next to each other for the most part, and has now also developed a lump on her back.

She’s on Tylenol with codeine, however, is starting to wince now and then.  This took an emotional toll on us this morning and we sat crying.  She has a follow up on Monday either way, so we will ask if there is anything else to consider first.  We called this afternoon, and the vet basically stated what we’re doing is pretty much it at this point, and if the pain can no longer be controlled, its time.

The times she gets excited to go for the ever so short walks she can handle, and the excitement she just had on her face when our neighbor came over makes this even harder.  When IS the right time?  She’s laying around more, eating less today anyway (today’s the first day for not gobbling up her entire bowl in record time), and her walks are no longer around the block, but to the end of the road 4 houses away, and back again.

and again, her tail (or we say nub…she is a rottie after all!) wiggles away when she sees and hears us, and comes over to say hello.

Its these things that make me not want to throw in the towel so to speak, and have her here just a little longer.  I just don’t know.  The day has been full of this conversation between my husband and I.  Even thinking tomorrow is her last day, so make it special hoping she comes back with us on Monday, but then for how many more days.

We’ve had to make this type of decision 2 other times… one with my cat who had liver failure, and another with our dog last mothers day that had a degenerative disease of his spine who crashed one afternoon outside and ended up rushing him to the vet before the closed to put him to sleep so he wouldn’t suffer.

This isn’t easy. i know it isn’t for anybody.  I just wish i knew “when” the “right” time was.