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Nearing the end :(

We just passed our 3 month ampuversary a couple days ago.  We hoped that the amputation and chemo would have helped to keep her with us at least another year, however, as in the last blog her cancer in the amputation area grew back.  It looks like 2 softballs next to each other for the most part, and has now also developed a lump on her back.

She’s on Tylenol with codeine, however, is starting to wince now and then.  This took an emotional toll on us this morning and we sat crying.  She has a follow up on Monday either way, so we will ask if there is anything else to consider first.  We called this afternoon, and the vet basically stated what we’re doing is pretty much it at this point, and if the pain can no longer be controlled, its time.

The times she gets excited to go for the ever so short walks she can handle, and the excitement she just had on her face when our neighbor came over makes this even harder.  When IS the right time?  She’s laying around more, eating less today anyway (today’s the first day for not gobbling up her entire bowl in record time), and her walks are no longer around the block, but to the end of the road 4 houses away, and back again.

and again, her tail (or we say nub…she is a rottie after all!) wiggles away when she sees and hears us, and comes over to say hello.

Its these things that make me not want to throw in the towel so to speak, and have her here just a little longer.  I just don’t know.  The day has been full of this conversation between my husband and I.  Even thinking tomorrow is her last day, so make it special hoping she comes back with us on Monday, but then for how many more days.

We’ve had to make this type of decision 2 other times… one with my cat who had liver failure, and another with our dog last mothers day that had a degenerative disease of his spine who crashed one afternoon outside and ended up rushing him to the vet before the closed to put him to sleep so he wouldn’t suffer.

This isn’t easy. i know it isn’t for anybody.  I just wish i knew “when” the “right” time was.

5 thoughts on “Nearing the end :(”

  1. It’s never easy and I know exactly what you mean when you ask when is the right time, but at least for me somehow you just seem to know even though you want to hold on. Trust your instincts. I’m fairly new to this group so I don’t recall your Reeses, I’ll have to go back and read your entries.

  2. I’m really sorry to hear this about Reeses. Cancer doesn’t play fair, and it seems it especially doesn’t with our furry ones. When is the right time? That’s a hard question to answer. My husband and I always said we’d rather be a day early than a day late. Our dog Max was a front left amp; he made it 11 months after the surgery, then the cancer returned in his lungs. He made the decision for us three months after that, when we saw he was having trouble breathing. The lung mets were taking up too much space in his lungs, causing him to breathe shallow. This “bad breathing” came on literally overnight. Before this, we had thought he had maybe 3 or 4 months left. I wish I had some really wise words of advice. All I can tell you is to do what we did, which is to take your cues from Reeses. And please remember, that no matter when that time comes, you will make that decision out of your love for her. And she knows you love her as much as she loves you. Please update as you can. Sending prayers and positive thoughts to Reeses and to you.

  3. bless your hearts. all i can say, is that when it was time, both jane and gayle told me. when jane was failing, i sat with her that last night, and asked for her guidance. and with gayle, the morning before she was gone, i asked her too. both times, i know they were ready, and they really were fine with that. it’s so hard for the humans to let go, but i’ve always prayed that i would make the decision at the right time – rather a day too soon, than a day too late. reeses will be with you, in spirit, forever. she will never forget you. love never ends.

    charon & spirit gayle

  4. I can only echo the eloquent wisdom of the previous posts. Please know that there is another person out here sending you thoughts of strength, peace and comfort.

    Anita, mom to Xena & Roger
    and my angels, Spammy & Chloe

  5. Our dog Molly is the 1st dog in my 34 years that I had to put to sleep. I dreaded the decision, and had mornings where I literally prayed I would find her passed in her sleep. And, somehow, I just knew one of her jobs here was to teach me the selfless lesson of letting her go. I know what you mean when you say you don’t want t give up. I used to feel like who was I decide we had tried enough?? After all, we were talking about my babies life!! I agonized over the impending decision off and on for 2 years…and one night I just knew. And, because you are doing it for your baby and not to your baby…you just find that strength…when you need it. For me, I wanted to be there petting her, and to be the last thing she saw. I stayed strong for her…until I didn’t have to be strong anymore. It is over in the blink of an eye…and as devastated as you will be…you feel a peace knowing your baby isn’t suffering anymore.

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